Headgame

What have I come to?
Where did I go?
When was it decided that my life would be like this?
Running around in circles
Fearful of every pound
Appeasing the negative voices
With thoughts of sadness and destruction
I have never felt normal
Maybe I could have been happy
But it seems so impossible right now
To think about ever touching recovery
Everyday my fears get bigger
And I feel like I spend every moment
Learning more and more about what I can't do
My dreams are purely fantasy
Meanwhile all I want to do is melt away and disappear
Because no matter what they say...
I will never be good enough
I don't deserve love
It's not like I matter anyway
I feel like my almost 21 years have been wasted
And that I'm nothing more than a punching bag
I thought we were supposed to be free
But they wouldn't let me be
Now I am running in circles
Wondering when time will finally stop.