Elipses

I keep coming back to this
This feeling…
                Dirty…  
                                Disgusting…
                                                Worthless…
                                                                Shame…

Nothing speaks louder than the voices
That play over and over again in my head
Like a lullaby sending me to my death bed
The only peace I will find
Lies beneath the sky
                Beneath the trees
                                The dew covered grass
                                                And the Oklahoma clay

I can’t think for myself anymore
Every action has to be approved
By these voices inside of me
I feel like I’ve lost myself
Maybe I was never found
But now I am further away than yesterday
                Further from home
                                Away like a stray bullet
                                                Or a runaway balloon

These voices are just hiding
The voice that really needs to be heard
The voice of the girl
Who doesn’t understand
Why it all happened like this
                Why her?
                                Why?
                                                Why me?

There is too much to say so leave it alone
Silence takes the next prey
A life is forgotten
All of those people who really cared…
                Are disappointed
                                Feel  rejected
                                                They are left with only questions
                                                                But so was I…

Parents… gave their everything
To raise the perfect children
How could they know one kept a secret?
How… ?
How were they supposed to see
                Behind the walls
                                Behind the mask
                                                The tears… the scars… the reality?

And so the voices and the secrets
Bring guilt to the scapegoat
Who could ever know
The pain that she carries?
No one… it’s my secret and you can’t have it.