The Dirty Shed

The people I want to care the most
Never seem to care at all
They smile and laugh
As they see me fall
I don't matter to them
I'm just a spec of dirt they can't get out
Of their picture-perfect
white-collared
scum-free life
Now look at me...

I'm falling apart
Again and again
I dig a hole
They push me in
I find a rope
They tear it to shreds
Every time I find hope
They burry it with the dead

It doesn't matter though
I will never matter though
Not to those I need
I'm just a tool they keep
In the dirty shed
Filled with those skeletons
And cobwebs
And broken pieces
They put aside long ago

I'm one of those cheap plastic rakes
The kind you buy at the Dollar General
The "one-time-use"
That may have nothing but bits and pieces left
When the yard is free of debris
But the wind still blows
And leaves still fall,
But this rake is useless now

So they throw it in the shed
Of skeletons and cobwebs and broken pieces
And it sits in the darkest corner
Never to be heard of again.

When You Get Sand

It's like an old Well
You see,
You dip the bucket in
Hoping to get some liquid gold
And when the bucket is in your hands
All you get is sand

You can keep going back
To the old Well
Dipping in bucket after bucket
Wishing you could understand
Why all you have is sand

Eventually you might reach something
Maybe if you wish
Wish so hard that you begin to cry
Just because you can't withstand
The Wishing Well filled with sand

So then you hear something say
Whisper
"Move on my dear"
There is plenty of land
For a Well that gives more than sand

So I wonder all over
Hoping
To find a Well that will let me
Pull up magic, I know I can
Find a Well with more than sand

But it runs dry too
It dies
It gives up, it crumbles and tumbles
And I find that I stand
Alone again with a bucket of sand

The Well will always run dry
Hope seems to die
But I move on, because I need something
I can't get from a Well
That only gives me sand

Alice

My heart is hurting

I hate feeling

It always ends up in shambles

I always end up bleeding

The world around me is slowly dying

I can’t watch the sun set another day

Because who’s to say

That it really does rise again?

 

It’s hard

When you are the only one

That can see inside the darkness

And still be completely blinded

It’s scary

When you can be surrounded by people

And still feel completely alone

In a world that is dying

 

Relapse

One step forward two steps back

I trip, and then I tumble

Now I’m falling down the rabbit hole

Faster and faster into a world

That I have created inside my head

But it feels so real

Maybe it feels

Like I’m dead

 

I don’t want to fall so fast

It’s like I wasn’t even given a chance

What happened?

When did daylight

Become

Just as dark as night

When I was so alone

That my twisted mind

Became a better friend

A better place to hide…