attention seeking

For a few months now people have been telling me I use attention seeking behaviors.  I know I have because, according to Maslow, it is a basic human need to have attention and I am being consumed by loneliness.  I try so hard to do everything for the right reasons, not for attention, but then how do I get the attention I need?  I feel like I ask for it in appropriate ways and people still ignore me because they think it's attention seeking.  It feels like anything I do is wrong.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I have no one to talk to, nothing to do, no life to live for... Yes, I'm in the puddle and I don't care because there is no one there waiting for me to come out, there's no reason to try anymore.  I need motivation.

The Lonely

2am; where do I begin,
Crying off my face again.
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby.
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night.
But the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me til I fall asleep.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby.
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there's only me and the lonely.

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

Checking in

So I haven't writen in awhile.  My therapist told me it was a bad idea to be bloggong bt I think that's just because there are a lot of non-recovery oriented blogs out there. Recovery is a journey, I'm still not sure I want it, but at least now I know I want life and that should be enough to keep me going. 

I still feel like an outcast, even aroud family and friends... in fact, the only time I don't feel like a total outcast is when I'm around strangers,

I worked my first birthday party at work today, it was lots of fun- 25 screaming kids! Anyways, I have a lot of homework to do so I'm going to make this post short.