Seamless

Once upon a time in a perfect world
There was a perfect girl
With a perfect life
A perfect family with perfect advice
She woke up each morning at perfect o’clock
Ate a bowl of perfection and ran to the bus stop
She had the perfect seat next to the perfect guy
She got to school with perfect time
Her morning classes went perfectly
Every test was aced so easily
When the lunch bell rang she gathered her girls
They sat together and ate perfect salad and then perfectly hurled
The rest of the day went as perfectly as before
She owned the room when she walked through the door
And her perfect life went on forever
Conflict was a perfect never
The last bell sang a perfect tune
Then she ran home to enjoy a perfect afternoon…
 
Each day was the same perfect routine
But in a perfect world there is no such thing
There is no sad, mad, or bad
No shit that you want to forget
There is no such thing as tears, or fears
No one has ever hurt you, burnt you,
Or left you scared…
 
Here we are and we know this is ridiculous
Even those perfect girls you idolized
Were far from flawless
Someone used to think you were perfect
But you were hiding behind closed doors
If only they knew the storms you’ve walked through
Maybe things could be different too…

Baby Blue

I wrote this a long time ago and was going through all of my poetry this morning and found this... it is certainly nice to reflect on the better things <3

I cradle the bird with a broken wing

It tried to fly too soon

Quiet now Baby Blue

I promise I will protect you

You’ll travel with me in my hands

Where no one can hurt you,

Please understand

You matter, I love you

Your life is a precious thing

Let me help you begin anew

And one day, Baby Blue I will let you go

And so you will soar out the window

Everyone deserves a second chance

So stay strong Little Blue,

Again you will dance

Because you matter and I love you

Are You Listening?

You made me?
Did you forget to finish
Or maybe you ran out of time
You sewed me together with lose stitches
So I was bound to fall apart…
 
And then…
 
Then you hurt me, I used to trust you
I don’t talk about you anymore because
I think believing in you was
A little like believing in Santa Clause
 
I used to think there would be salvation
And you would hide the evil away
From my innocent eyes,
 
But alas,
 
You threw me away, but I still prayed
I prayed for the evil to disappear
I asked for your help
I begged to wake up from the nightmare
 
I thought you cared about everyone
So then, why do I feel so alone…
Where were you?
 
I cried…
 
All of my broken pieces were laid around the room
I began to cry for everyone else
And pray that they would be okay
When it was me that needed to find myself
 
I cried for hours that melted into years
And no one came to recuse me
Where were you?
 
No one came.
 
I had given up on the childish thought
That you cared about me
You promised a Heaven for the hurt to go to
So I asked to come, but you didn’t hear me
 
It was a mean trick you played
And I don’t understand why
I thought you loved us all.
 
Breathe…
 
Because she forgets how to feel
Numbness takes over and the demon wins
She hurts herself to prove that she can’t heal
The scars keep away anyone who wants her
 
She wastes away waiting for a sign
That you are there in this big world
All she wanted was some of your time
 
At the funeral,
 
At the funeral they said their “goodbye”
Why, sweet girl, did you have to die?
She cried in silence and we never knew
Just how big of a storm she had gone through
 
She lies in a bed of roses
Dressed in a white gown with lace
She must be beautiful at last
 
 
Where do I go when I die?
What do I get out of barely living?
Will I be okay here on Earth?
What will happen to me… to us?

What the Wind Said

The wind howls like it is calling for something
Maybe calling my name,
Asking me to run away with it
I wonder how far the wind will travel
What kind of tragedies will it see
Before it withers to nothing
And dies in the stillness before a storm
If only I could go with it
And leave before the storm arrives
I long to travel so fast
That I forget to listen to other cries
And the wind can be silent
But it can also be heard
In the rustle of the leaves
It rushes across the roads
In the pounding of the waves
It blows against the rock
In the rumbling of the clouds
It moves through the sky
It’s there and I hear it
Calling for me to go away
And be nothing but a pensive thought
To all of those who heard me call them too
 
Like a wildfire
Is ignited by a cigarette butt someone left behind
A piece of garbage discarded in the dead grass
And suddenly is a path of destruction…
The fire bellows and growls, always hungry for more
It’s there and then gone,
Leaving nothing but ashes and distress
 
But the wildfire is remembered
It is seen and heard
All over town there are cries of lament
From the few survivors whom it spared
The wind dies alone with nothing but a whisper
A falling leaf
A weeping willow
A bird finally landing
Because there is nothing more to carry it
But it’s never thought of again
And the stillness is the night
An eerie, lonely, quiet existence
For such a strong spirit
It carries the wildfire on its back
But it’s the fire that is remembered
And the wind dies, never knowing it if mattered

That Girl

I posted this awhile and then deleted it for personal reasons but it is here again for anyone who would like to read it.  It is one of my favorites <3

That girl
When you see her walk down the hall
Do you think she’s pretty at all?
Do you think she’s smart?
Do you think she is perfect just as she is?
She doesn’t
All she ever sees is failure
All she has ever known is disgrace
She walks with her chin up
But just wants to hide her face
She is scared that no one will see
All of the pain inside her
She is afraid that they will see
All of the broken pieces beside her
That girl
Wakes up early every morning
And touches her toe on the scale
Afraid of what it will tell her
But the need to know prevails
Her heart sinks fast
When she sees the number that defines her
She can never forget
The hurt that lies behind her

That girl

Used to think she mattered

Used to think someone cared

Now she is smaller than ever

Because she feels less than her

She feels empty

Incapable of happiness

Unworthy of love

She starves herself and cuts her skin

She hides the pain, and lets no body in

She cries herself to sleep each night

She thinks of ending her life

That girl

Doesn’t know who she is anymore

Maybe she never did

That girl

Needs someone to tell her

All of the good things she can’t see

That girl

Just wants a friend to call her own

To make her feel less alone

That girl

Wants you to notice her and care

And tell her that you’ll always be there

That’s all she wants,

Please don’t leave

There’s too much at risk

For her, believe.

Long Gone and Long Here

I just want to scream

Why are you doing this to me?
You treat me like I don’t try
Like I won’t cry
When you act like I’m stupid
Or worthless, or wasted
You pretend like I haven’t told you
Over and over again
That there is something inside me
Something that I can’t control…
I don’t need you to save me
Or pound it out of my head
Because whatever it is has been there
When I was as good as dead
Where were you?
 
Gone
 
Even if you were there
You were in your own perfect world
And I was just a defect
A mark you couldn’t erase
 
So here you are
A better eraser
To forget this burden
To forget whatever lives inside me
 
I want whatever this is to be with me forever
Because I know it will follow me to the grave
The only thing that will ever love me
Forever and ever and ever
 
I keep reliving all of the shit
That you keep telling me to “just forget”
And when you say this it comes back
The fear of worthlessness
Of damaged goods
Of abandonment
 
Because looking back who has stayed?
No one has been there
Not like this…
The family who went away all the time
                And came back to do the same
The friend in 2^nd grade
                That moved so so far away
The girl in who shared my name               
                That found new friends with better fame
The one in middle school
                That left me when she wanted to be “cool”
The best friend my senior year
                That left more than enough tears
The confidant who seemed so perfect
                Then took my heart and used it
 
And now this… what do I do?
Who do I turn to?
No one has been there
Not like this…
Not like the imaginary friend I made up
To tell me what to do when times were tough
How do I abandon the one that has lived inside me
When no one else stood beside me…. see?
 
I’m lost and dying
Slowly but surely
Who else is there to turn to
But the one who lives inside me?