Support?

I wish it was up to me to change my future... right now it feels like my "disease" is trying so hard to prove to everyone that I have absolutely no control over it.  I'm not being heard by the people I care about the most.  Maybe my expectations of people are too unrealistic and maybe I'm asking too much.  Is asking for someone to show they care asking too much?  I'm kind of devistated and alone right now.  I feel abandoned once again and it got me thinking... I am stuck in the past because I can't get away from it.  It still follows me everywhere I go and is still very much a part of who I am.  The happy memories are few and far between and they are becoming harder and harder to recognize and remember... but the bad is still there, everywhere I go; in public, at work, at school, in my dreams and nightmares, and of course at home.  How can I "Just forget" something that is still happening to me?  That's the frustrating part... I think everyone is assuming that I'm no longer in a dangerous place and I can just move on, but that's not the case... I don't feel safe; there is no sense of security... I feel vunerable and weak and scarred to death.  I feel like I could be wasting away, and then what? Then would they come to their senses?  Then would they realize that they hurt me or even aknowledge that I'm in pain?  Sometimes it's better to think about what it would be like if it all went away, but I am tied to it, I would have to go too.  You can't rip out the nails because it is the very thing that is holding me down that has held me up for so long....
That's my final thought for tonight, I
m tired and have an early day tomorrow.  Hopefully I'll have another poem up soon. <3