Voices

I want to beat myself senseless

But why would you do this?

Because I’m stupid and worthless

You know those are just excuses

 

Well how about because I’m bad

No bad are the troubles you’ve had

No bad is me, it’s written on my forehead

You’re right, you’re really quite sad

 

Why would you say that?

Because you’re fat

Now you’re making up that…

 

Does it hurt?

 

I can’t feel a thing

Then hurt yourself

Out of badness comes pain

 

You deserve to be punished

Think of all the pain you’ve caused

You need to feel anguish

To put yourself where you belong

 

Now you out of the blue, comes anger

What do you mean?  There’s no time for anger

You’re whole life you’ve sat in silence

Now the silence sits in you

And eats you away

Until there is nothing left

But the bones you want so badly to be

 

But I can’t feel angry

I need control

So I will forget every

Thing that hurts my soul

 

Why do you choose to forget?

It hurts less than to regret

So you hurt yourself again

To kill the badness within
 

Do you think it will work?

Definitely not,

Then why go to this resort

I’ve already forgot

 

I am silent and still

I am calm and collected

No one can see

The scars I’ve created.

 

I don’t understand…

Then don’t try to

So I can watch you die

Maybe I need to

Please, don’t say that

Does it hurt you?

You don’t understand

What else can I do?

 

You are beautiful

Don’t say that…

 

I want to be more than a Barbie

I want to be more than meat

But right now I am starving

Right now I am weak

 

I am anything but beautiful

Let us keep it that way

I am not a doll

I have nothing more to say…