Falling Apart

If only you knew
How many times I began to ask "How are you?"
But I hesitated
Because I didn't want you to get defensive

If only you knew
All of the things I go through to avoid hurting you
Yet somehow
I hurt you anyway, at least I know now

If only you knew
I would swim across oceans just to save you
I am drowning
Swimming in my own tears, wishing...

Wishing I could do more
Help more
Be more
But every time I try, I fall short

It hurts too much now...

I love you, I always will.
But loving you is an empty bucket I cannot fill
There's nothing left for me to give
Sometimes I feel like there's no reason for me to live

I miss you
I miss the person you used to be,
I miss everything about us....
I miss your smile

Looking back I can see the dysfunction
It's always been there
But I never wanted to open my eyes
Because I didn't want to wake up from my day dream

You came into my life when I thought I had no one
When it felt like I would forever be alone
With you I didn't have to be afraid
I could love you without putting up my barricade

But time has been the enemy
Instead of us falling together
We've both fallen apart
I hate this feeling that I'm losing you
Because you were the best thing
That ever happened to me...

I love you Amanda Marie